


What if...

by Annien



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drugs, F/F, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:59:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7190015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annien/pseuds/Annien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hurt by everyone leaving her, Chloe Price is trying to sort out her life, but what if things are not that easy?<br/>The story starts after Rachel's disappearance and follows Chloe as she attempts to put the missing pieces together and continue with her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a medium to sort things out myself, and it was not supposed to be anything at all. Somehow it turned into a story with multiple chapters that follow Chloe through her life. I really wanted to approach the idea of Chloe and Rachel being more than friends, so here it is...

 

 

Chloe pulled her truck into the junkyard with a sudden turn, not giving a damn how fast she was going or what she was doing. Music was blasting through the car’s CD player so loud that she could barely hear her own thoughts, which was exactly what she needed. With nowhere else to go without driving on the train tracks, Chloe finally stopped the car in front of the _'Speed limit 30'_ sign and got out of the car, not bothering to shut the door or to turn the music off. She headed straight for what used to be her and Rachel’s shack, their private escape from reality.

She crashed in the old red car chair, pulling out a pack of weed from her pocket and rolling a much needed joint to calm down. But calming was harder than she would expect. The room was filled with so many memories that did not let Chloe have peace of mind for even a second. She missed Rachel, her friend, her angel, so much that it physically hurt her. The biggest torture was to still be able to sense her friend’s perfume which lingered in the air, two months after her sudden disappearance. She tried to shake all those thoughts out of her mind, but everywhere she looked was just a reminder of what she did not have anymore. If she looked on the table, she saw Rachel’s make-up kit, and if she shielded her gaze and looked to her side she saw the photos they took together, which was breaking her heart all over again. The only thing that she could do to stop the torturing was to get into the truck and leave, but where would she go?

_"At home step-douche is waiting for me to yell some more because he smelled the pot coming from my room. And why wouldn’t I smoke, David, when my life is a fucking mess since dad died? So no, home is not an option… Blackwell is too crowded and without Rachel there’s no reason for me to go there. Another empty place is the lighthouse, but that just reminds me of Max and how she abandoned me when I needed her the most._

_Everyone in my fucking life is leaving me. First my dad, then Max, now Rachel’s gone, and all I want to fucking do is to get out of this damned town for good. But where the hella I’d go? I was supposed to leave Arcadia Bay with Max and go to Portland, but I guess she got tired of me and this damned place and left for good before she could be stuck in this place like me!_

_And how the hella could I leave without Rachel? We were supposed to go to L.A. together! We were so fucking damn close…"_

Chloe drifted out into her thoughts while finishing off the joint and rolled a new one straight away. Being clumsy, she dropped the bag of weed, which fell on top of a music CD titled _'Rachel's songs'_. Feeling melancholic for staying into those moments she got up, went to the car, stopped the crappy radio music and replaced it with the tracks from the CD. A song started playing but she was too focused on finishing rolling her joint and to her own thoughts to pay any attention to the music.

She finally lighted up the blunt and leaned on her back in the truck, searching for some calmness to hold on to. It did not take long to stop paying attention to the surroundings and focus on the lyrics of the song. The realisation that struck her as her brain was recognising the song was that she was in a big mess, because the last thing she needed was to drift into the memories brought by the song.

_'Do you really understand who I am? Do you wanna know? Can you really see through me now? I’m about to go…_

_But just tonight I won’t leave, and I’ll lie and you’ll believe… Just tonight you will see, it’s all because of me…'_

Chloe drifted through the web of memories until she found herself in Rachel’s room at Blackwell, rock playing from her friend’s playlist.

 

***

 

Chloe sat on Rachel’s bed smoking a joint while Rachel put on her make-up. There was a comfortable silence between them that was filled by music, which got broken by Chloe when the song changed. The punk stood up from the bed with a shocked look on her face, which startled Rachel who immediately turned to face her friend, leaving a trace of black eyeliner on her cheek in the process.

“Wait, who’s playing? I never heard the song before! Rachel…?” Chloe gave her friend a questioning look, narrowing her eyes and trying to appear betrayed by the woman in question.

Rachel’s only reaction was to roll her eyes and let out a long breath she did not realise she was holding. “Oh, for fuck's sake, Price, you got me worried, you know? I thought something happened… Look what you made me do, ruining my goddamn make-up!”

“Oh, boo-hoo!” Chloe said while passing the joint as a sign of good will, which Rachel took without hesitation. After she let out the first puff, the punk knew that it was the best moment to push her luck and ask again. “So, who are they? The song sounds awesome.”

She moved in closer to take a peek at the screen before adding, with not only a slight amount of enthusiasm, “Plus, she’s hella hot!”

Giving Rachel another narrow-eyed look she turned the chair her friend was sitting on, grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a shake, all the time looking deep into her eyes, while shouting. “How could you keep them away from me?”

The shaking motion caused Rachel to drop the joint and Chloe realised that, finally stopping her action and taking a step back.

“What the hell was that, Chloe? Why are you so hyperactive today?”

Chloe faced the floor, unable to look into her friend’s eyes, “Sorry, okay? I… I overreacted.” She managed to lift her eyes from the ground and gave Rachel some big sad eyes before she continued. “It’s just that I got really excited about your birthday, and then I had to wait until you got ready to leave… I want to show you the surprise I have planned, okay? _But_ _then_ I heard this amazing song you didn't care to share with me, and things got a little out of control… I apologise, okay?” By the time she finished, Chloe was started to blush a little.

Rachel could not help but smile watching her friend, so she abandoned her chair and joined Chloe on the floor. She picked up the pot and threw it on the desk behind her, and then she placed one hand on top of Chloe’s and the other under her chin in order to lift her head so that their eyes would meet. “You know how cute you are when you get all mushy and stuff?”

Chloe felt the urge to deny everything, only to be cut off by Rachel, “Na-ah! I’m talking now.”

“But,“ the punk tried to protest again.

“No ‘but’, listen to me. You can be cute when you want to, Chloe Elizabeth Price, but you are also a hella awesome friend, you know that?” Rachel said with a smile which was mimicked by Chloe’s. “And,” she continued before things could get out of control and she would choke on her words, “… the reason that I did not tell you anything is because I wanted to surprise you with something.”

Chloe’s eyes widened at the words _'surprise'_ , but it was short lived as Rachel let go of her hand and reached for her backpack, which was close to the bed. The punk’s body disliked the loss of contact, but before she could think more on that, Rachel pulled out a package and handed it to her.

Seeing the big grin on Rachel’s face warmed Chloe’s heart. She inspected the small squared package before seeking permission to open it. It was clear as the day that Rachel was overly excited about this, that she barely restrained herself from taking the gift back and tear the wrapping herself.

As much as she wanted to torture the blonde longer, curiosity got the better of the punk, so she dug in and tore the wrapping, only to reveal a CD album. The cover artwork featured a young blonde girl dressed in leather jacket and holding a lighter with a burning flame. Looking at the band and the album title she could read “The Pretty Reckless – Light me up”, which were the lyrics from the earlier song.

Chloe was left speechless, not expecting her friend to know her so well in order to predict what songs she would like. Being at a loss for words she did something really unexpected, but which felt so good and pulled Rachel in a hug. The blonde could only laugh and joke about the situation.

“If you feel like hugging me for just seeing the album, I wonder what will you do when you open the case and have a look inside, kiss me?”

Chloe’s eyes widened, her mouth fell open, and Rachel thought she took the things too far mentioning the kiss, but she was relieved when Chloe simply asked:

“There’s more?”

Having a closer look she saw that the thin plastic wrapping that would seal the album was missing. Opening the case, she was expecting to see the art from the cover imprinted on the CD, but instead, the CD was covered by two rectangular cardboard pieces which showed two tickets for an Evanescence concert, with The Pretty Reckless promoting their album as supporting act in Portland, two weeks from then.

“So, do you like it?” asked Rachel, not knowing how to interpret Chloe’s silence.

“If I like it? Are you insane? I love it… I know I just heard them now, but I fell in love with that song, plus holy-fuck-Evanescence! Rach I… I do not know how to thank you! I mean it is _your_ birthday and you are giving me stuff like this when it should be the other way around? Hella, my present for you sucks in comparison to this…”

“Well, I kinda did this for me too. I mean, I would not want to go with anyone else, so…” Rachel said, avoiding Chloe’s look and trying hard not to blush under her staring gaze.

_Think fast, Rachel. Say something to lighten the atmosphere._

“…plus,” Rachel continued, a mischievous smile forming at the corner of her mouth, “I know something that you could do to make it up to me.”

Rachel’s words combined with that mischievous smirk, made Chloe’s heart drop to her stomach and bounce around. Her mind started racing to the possible ways that she could make it up to her friend, all involving something that some people refer to as _'indecent thoughts'_. Seeing Rachel’s smirk transforming into a grin pulled the blue-haired girl out of her line of thoughts, cleared her throat and asked, a little more confident and with a hint of playfulness in her voice:

“What do you have in mind?”

Rachel’s mischievous grin suddenly transformed into a surprised and excited one. She immediately reached for her phone and started texting. It was not the reaction Chloe was expecting, not even close.

“Uhmm, what are you doing, Rach?”

“I’m texting Dana, we definitely need her here for this.”

Chloe started panicking for a moment, but seeing Rachel so concentrated talking with Dana in what was a really fast typing pace from both women also got her confused.

“And uhm… what are we doing here exactly?”

Rachel finally stopped texting and turned her attention towards her friend. “Well,” she said placing a hand on top of the punk’s, “we’re gonna get you a new outfit and go out clubbing.”

As she finished talking, her room’s door flew open and Dana walked in, four hangers with clothes in her hands. Without even greeting them, she walked next to Rachel.

“So, I found this four, and I like especially this one, which would go awesomely with that grey short-cut top you have…” she said pointing to a leather dress she was currently holding.

The blue-haired woman rolled her eyes, leaned on her back on the ground and started moaning. “I'm really going to regret this, won’t I? Especially for giving you that top, Rachel.”

Both girls stopped talking, turned to her and said in unison: “Shhh, you’re gonna love it!”, then proceeded giggling.

 

***

 

“Come on, Dana! How long is this going to take? I want to show Rachel my surprise while there’s still _light_ outside.”

“Stop worrying so much, Price, we’re almost done anyway. Turn around for us!”

Chloe groaned at the use of her surname and the request to put on a show for her. “I swear to god, Ward, if you ever use my surname to address me, then…” Chloe stopped mid-way in her sentence when she turned and realised how closely Rachel was looking at her, eyeing her from feet up, unconsciously biting her lower lip in the process. The punk could not talk or move, her attention focused solely on _studying_ Rachel’s reactions.

In the meantime Dana saw the staring between the two girls and stopped herself from making any type of comments. That did not mean that she would let Chloe get off that easily.

“Then… what?”

Chloe’s brain took a moment to process the words and to realise they were meant for her and that she had to answer to them. She shook her head and brought herself back to the present time, realising that she did not know what the talk was about anymore.

The punk’s sudden movement brought Rachel back from daydreaming as well, which she masked by standing up and heading for a pile of clothes on the other side of the room. In the meantime all that Chloe managed to do was to mimic Dana’s last words: “Aaa, what?”

“That’s what I want to know as well. You did not finish your threat, _Price_!” Dana emphasised the last words in order to remind Chloe what they were talking about before she blacked out, lost in watching her crush.

By then, Rachel was back next to Chloe, so the only thing the punk could have said in order not to give Dana more fuel or satisfaction was, “Nothing… You’re not worth it, Ward.” With a smirk to Dana, she turned to Rachel who had her beanie in her hands.

Chloe remained still as Rachel pushed herself on her toes and pulled the beanie over the punk’s head. They were extremely close and Chloe could smell Rachel’s orchid flagrance for the first time. It took the punk an incredible amount of will power not to lean in and kiss Rachel’s neck, dig her fingers into her hips and push her towards the wall behind them.

_"Control yourself, Chloe… Plus, Dana is in the room, but I doubt that she would mind seeing what you have in mind."_

Chloe seemed to regain the control over herself when Rachel leaned back with her feet fully on the ground and used her hands to arrange Chloe’s beanie on the side and pull it slightly backwards. The blonde moved her hands into Chloe’s hair to pull it from inside the beanie. The punk had to hold a breath in order to stifle a moan that made its way into her throat. She did not realise what was happening to her and why then of all times…

_"Am I really having a crush on her? How could I not? I mean, look at her… Look at her face as she tries to arrange my beanie. Omg! This is hella serious. I need time to wrap my head around this, but how?"_

Chloe was left to decide that later as Rachel finally finished. “There you go, the missing piece. Now you are definitely the blue-haired punk I know! You always manage to pull off wearing that beanie…”

Dana, clearly aware that both girls were oblivious to the other one’s feelings, knew that she had to intervene before things would get out of hand.

“So, Chloe… You were saying something about a surprise for the birthday girl here?”

 _"Ah, here’s my opportunity"…_ “Yeah, I did actually, but I have to sort out some things first. Rach, can you be ready in an hour and meet me in the parking lot?”

Rachel gave her a shy smile and a soft touch on her hand. “Sure, Chloe. Do you want to change back in your normal clothes before tonight?”

That pulled a giggle from the punk. “Yeah, you know me too well. Can I… take the album and listen to it in the car? I want to be ready for the concert, you know?”

Now it was the time for Rachel to giggle. “Of course, Chloe. I cannot wait for the concert, I’m so excited about it.”

“Yeah, me too, but let’s get through tonight first, okay?”

“Well, you’re the one who needs to dress up and go prepare things, so…”

“Fine, fine, I get it. You don’t have to kick me out, geez!” Chloe said while heading for the wardrobe to change back into her own clothes.

Both Rachel and Dana offered her the privacy to change and with Chloe almost out of the door, it was Rachel’s turn to face Dana’s teasing. Without making any sound or speaking, Dana was pointing to Rachel that she was developing a crush on the punk, while the blonde was threatening Dana to shut her mouth, otherwise she would not live enough to go to the club that night. That did not have any effect on Dana who was nowhere near letting her friend off the hook. She was imitating Rachel fixing Chloe’s beanie with a little twitch, adding a kiss in the acting. Meanwhile, Rachel was red with either embarrassment or anger, pointing to Dana that if Chloe would see her, she would fly out of the window. Instead of feeling scared, Dana was amused by Rachel’s frantic gestures behind the punk’s back.

Fortunately for the model, Chloe did not catch any of the show and as soon as she was back to her normal self she turned to find the girls just looking at each other. “Okay so… I’ll see you tonight, Dana, and you missy in one hour. Be ready, alright?”

“Only if you don’t make me wait like _always_ ,” the blonde said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You don’t have to pull out my eyes with it every time, geez! Just be ready ‘right?”

“Yes, Chloe, of course I will!” The blonde added with a smile and watched as her friend closed her dorm room behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Narcosynthesis for reviewing this chapter.
> 
> The lyrics are from the song "Just Tonight" by The Pretty Reckless.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

With a nod, Chloe left Rachel’s room.

“Bye, crazy!” Dana shouted when the punk was out of the door. She then heard a _‘Fuck you, Ward!’_ back, which was exactly what she was expecting.

“Ah, that girl is so… I don’t know really,” was all that Rachel could say as she crashed on the sofa next to Dana.

“Yeah, that girl is so wrong, but in a good way?” Dana continued in Rachel’s voice. “I know, right? I mean, who would find something else to ‘pull off’ when it comes to Chloe. Like, I don’t know… _her clothes_ maybe _?!_ ” she said with a smirk on her face.

“Where did that come from? Plus, you are mistaken. Chloe is not wrong, she was right about something… ‘Fuck you, Ward!’ ”, Rachel said throwing a pillow aiming for Dana’s face, who dodged it before it could hit her.

Dana smiled and despite the pillow throw went to hug her friend, who made a hurt face and pushed her away. The redhead then dropped the smile, knowing that what Rachel needed was to accept her own feelings for the blue-haired girl and talk to a friend about it.

“I am sorry for joking earlier, and I agree with you on one aspect. All jokes aside, Chloe is indeed right… right for you.”

Rachel pulled her sad face from the ground, a glimpse of hope making its room between insecurities and sadness.

“Do you mean it, Dana? Do you really mean that?”

“Of course, Rach. It’s obvious that you two are very good friends who also fell in love with the other.”

Rachel’s expression was one of pure shock after hearing Dana’s words. “Wait… what?!”

“Oh, come on Rach, you know it’s more than just a crush. You definitely love her…”

“Yeah, yeah, not that,” Rachel shook her head as she interrupted Dana from talking. “Did you just say that she feels the same? Are you… are you sure?”

“Oh my god!” Dana shouted out loud, and then giggled at how it might seem for the people on the hallway, hearing Dana’s invocations coming from Rachel’s room.

“Can you keep it down? I don’t think Victoria heard you on the other side of the dorms!” Rachel said recovering the pillow she threw earlier and hitting her friend with it this time.

“Sorry, but for real now. You two clearly need to work on your dating skills. I mean it’s obvious to everyone that you two are more than just friends. Only you need to realise that.” Dana made a pause while her smiles widened. “You were so cute earlier, getting lost in each other’s eyes and into your own fantasies.”

“Wait, did we do that?”

“Are you fucking with me right now, Rach? Dude, you needed a knife to cut the sexual tension between you two! Plus, the whole concert ticket… Yeah, I heard that, don’t shy away now. When I asked you about it you said you’re not sure because money, blah, blah, excuses… But I can’t be upset now. If that’s what took you to realise what’s happening between you then I’m happy.”

“Dana, don’t,” Rachel started, her voice dropping down to almost whispers, “don’t get me wrong, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know if Chloe would say yes. And then I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but it was hard for me to accept that I… basically wanted to ask Chloe to go to the concert as a… well date-sort-of-thing.”

Feeling Rachel’s uncalled level of discomfort, Dana moved closer, took her friend’s hands into her own and asked her to raise her eyes to meet her own. “Hey, look at me Rach! Rach… please look at me and don’t cry.”

As Rachel looked at her friend, Dana gave her a reassuring smile, the one that she needed to stop her tears. When the blonde was stable, Dana continued, “Rach, why would you think that I would get upset? You know that the only reason why I told you about the concert was because I knew it was something you would love to do; and Chloe as well. I like rock, but I know only five or six songs from _one_ Evanescence album. I never expected to go myself; I wanted you guys to go together, silly. And the fact that you finally asked Chloe out fills my heart with joy.”

“Well,” Rachel hesitated, “I didn’t tell her it was a date. So, she doesn’t know how I feel about her.”

“I am sure she has her suspicions. Plus, it’s clear that she wants the same thing, so it might be a good idea to confess everything tonight.”

“But how do I do that, Dana? She’s my friend and I don’t want to jeopardise our friendship because of what I want.”

“Then what, are you two going to be like this around each other every time, dozing out for whole minutes, raptured in the other? Or are you going to start avoiding each other because the attraction is too much to control? Is that what you want, Rach?”

“No, of course not!” Rachel said with an exasperated sigh. “I want to be able to look into her eyes without coming out as a weirdo. I want to be able to caress her cheek, play with her hair, and crush my lips against hers to taste all of her… That’s what I want to do, Dana!”

“Then tell her that, Rach. Don’t keep everything bottled inside of you like this.”

“That’s the problem; I don’t think that I could tell her without my throat closing before I can even say a word.”

“Then don’t tell her, show her. Words might fail what you want to express, but not gestures. You will be alone in less than half an hour, so _show_ her.”

With a sigh that almost expressed defeat, Rachel collapsed with her back on the sofa. “I’m not sure I can right now. Honestly, I’m scared and I don’t want to ruin everything before the night even begins; and more importantly, I don’t want to ruin what she prepared.”

Dana took a minute to think and then spoke. “I have a brilliant idea. Why not prepare something for her after we come back from the club? She will need a place to crash and you can prepare a nice and romantic atmosphere to come back to. She won’t get drunk, so both of you can be sober, but with enough shots to chase your insecurities away. What do you say? I can prepare things while you’re gone and hide them around, then come back shortly before you two and just take them out.”

“Seriously, Dana, I don’t want to ask that of you, or to cut your fun short.”

“Hey, stop that,“ Dana interrupted her. “I _want_ to do this for two of my best girls. But only if this is what you want.”

“Are you kidding me? It fucking is! Definitely!” Rachel said, letting her enthusiasm replace her insecurities.

“Good, it’s settled then. Now go and change before your crush gets here and becomes impatient. You wouldn’t want to ruin her surprise, would you?” Dana teased her friend, who narrowed her eyes before jumping and hugging her into an almost breath-taking hug.

“What the hell would I do without you?”

“For starter you would not be as cool without a friend like me, and second, your love life would be a mess, which would make you a freaking mess, which would mean that you would cry yourself to sleep. So, your life is this awesome thing, and soon enough you’ll share it with this badass-hot-punk-girl for whom you fell high on your heels, because of me…” Dana flashed a smile towards Rachel before adding, “But that’s no big of a deal because you are this awesome friend of mine, and I love you!”

“Oh, you make me tear up and ruin my make-up before meeting Chloe… I thought you were supposed to help me, not ruin my life.” Rachel replied, giving Dana the same smile she received moments ago. “And I love you too, Dana,” the blonde said, planting a kiss on her friend’s cheek.

“Hey, careful there, someone might get jealous,” Dana teased. “And so you don’t say that I don’t help you, you might want to put on some waterproof mascara.”

“Why, what do you know?” Rachel narrowed her eyes again, giving her friend a questioning look.

“Ah, _nothing_ … Now go and get ready for her, you idiot!”

“Oh _shit_ , you’re right! She will be here in 10 fucking minutes.”

“If not sooner!” Dana said while giggling.

“Not helping!” Rachel shouted as she rolled her eyes and resume putting on her make-up.

 

* * *

 

 

As Chloe closed the door behind her, she took a moment to pull herself together, leaning against the wall from Rachel’s room, unable to move. When her feet were steady enough, she stormed through the dorm’s door and through the whole campus, heading for the parking lot. She got into the driver’s seat and took the CD out, realising that she was gripping it so tight that the plastic could have broken under the force. She switched the CD player on and the same song she heard in Rachel’s room started playing. She then pulled the truck from the parking lot and headed for the Two Whales diner to pick up the cake Joyce helped her prepare for Rachel’s birthday. Joyce was extremely happy to help her daughter surprise her friend, especially because it was the only moment when she could bond with Chloe like they used to before William died. After picking up the cake she went to the pizza shop that Rachel completely loved and picked her favourite extra-large stuffed crust pizza. Luckily those were the only two stops she had to make before heading for this place she found a couple of weeks before, and which she held secret from her friend in order to surprise her on her birthday.

She carefully took the cake and pizza out of the truck and then looked in the back for some beer bottles. It was just the time to go back to Blackwell and if everything went well and Rachel would not be late, then they should make it back in time before the pizza would go cold.

Double checking if everything was in place, and especially if the Hi-Fi she brought from home was powered by the generator she “borrowed” from David. _It’s not like step-douche doesn’t need to make up for all the bullshit he’s been pulling off lately anyway…_ Luckily everything was working. The CD with Rachel’s favourite songs was in place and also the faint lighting was set up and illuminating the room. She made sure to cover the window – more like the gap in the wall – with a scrap of metal, and to find an old, but usable curtain to cover the entrance, sending the small room in complete darkness with the lights off.

With a smile on her face, Chloe rushed to the truck and drove to Blackwell. When she was close to the school, her phone started buzzing and when she checked it out, she had messages from Rachel.

 **Rach:** I hope you didn’t plan something fancy, otherwise I’ll murder your ass, Price.

 **Rach:** I’m in the parking lot, where the hell are you?

 **Rach:** You lecture me about being on time, but you keep me waiting? Great friend you are…

She slowed down the car and started typing her reply really fast, making an exception from her don’t-text-while-driving rule. Rachel’s phone buzzed moments later.

 **Chloe:** Chill dude not l8 yet. B there in JAM!

Rachel started typing back when she heard Chloe’s old truck pulling by, The Pretty Reckless coming loud from inside. The blue-haired girl leaned in and opened the door as Rachel was taking her time, urging her to move faster.

“Come on, lazy, we don’t have all day…”

“Well, I’m not the one who’s late, Chloe,” Rachel replied closing the door to the already moving car.

“Technically, I’m not late. Look at the time, smart-ass! I still have three minutes… And sorry I had to prepare stuff for you.” The punk turned her face to Rachel and gave her the same hurtful look like the one in the dorm. “But you don’t appreciate me. Maybe I’m doing this for the wrong person. Is it too late to swap you for Dana?”

It was Rachel’s time to make a pouty face. “Ha-ha, very funny! You’re stuck with me, missy. Non-negotiable! Once you buy the product there’s no refund.”

“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” said Chloe as the light went green and she moved the car again. She did not know where that came from and that she was about to say it before it was too late. She did not want to look at Rachel, even though she was smiling like an idiot. Or maybe _because_ she was smiling she averted her gaze. Which was fine with Rachel, who was starting to blush a little.

_“Gotta focus on the road, can’t look at her… and apparently I also forgot how to form complex sentences that don’t make me sound retarded.”_

After a few moments, Rachel took her eyes off Chloe, thing that made the punk relax a bit, but kept a faint smile on her face. She then leaned in the seat and focused on the road while listening to Taylor Momsen’s voice filling the comfortable silence between them two. When she realised she did not know where they were headed, just that the houses were becoming scarce, she turned to the driver and asked the most obvious question.

“So, where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see soon enough,” was all that Chloe was willing to divulge, another smile creeping on her face.

“Please tell me it’s nothing similar to that hunted place Juliet and Dana wanted us to go last weekend. Please, please, tell me there’s nothing scary!”

“Dude, chill out!” Chloe said trying to stifle a giggle but failing.

“Ha-ha, so funny, let’s make fun of the girl scared by horror fucking scenes, why not?”

“I’m not making fun, Rach,” Chloe said, placing her hand on top of the blonde’s, making the girl look into her eyes. “You were hella cute, you know that?”

At that, Rachel’s expression changed and she almost melted under Chloe’s touch, her face becoming red. Fortunately for her, the setting sun hid most of that.

“Besides,” Chloe said, pointing with her head at the road in front of her, “we’re here. Does this look like a horror scene to you?”

When Rachel looked out of the window she saw Chloe stopping the car in front of the gates of something that looked like a junkyard. There were pieces of scrap metal, blocks of concrete scattered around, old abandoned cars and some old diner and petrol station advertisement signs that were giving the place a vintage touch on top of the existing badass-ness. Everything was surrounded by forest and behind the train tracks Rachel spotted hills and even more nature. Everything seemed so out of time, like they left everything behind them when Chloe took that turn from the main road. When she finally found her voice, she looked at Chloe who apparently watched her the whole time. It took the blonde a lot of will power not to jump and kiss Chloe right there, her face so beautiful in the sunset.

_“Wait until tonight… Just a bit more… Don’t ruin this now… Oh god, I need to take my mind off her goddamn full, sexy lips and how they would feel against mine…”_

“So,” she finally managed to make her voice work, even though her brain still fought her. “This is amazing, Chloe. How did you find this place?”

“Well, you know when a couple of weeks ago I had that fight with step-prick and you were in class? I just needed to cool down so I jumped in my car and drove, not knowing where it would lead me. That’s how I ended up here and it was the perfect place to chill and leave out all the rest. I immediately thought that,” Chloe started blushing, having difficulties continuing. “…that I don’t know… maybe it could be like our place away from my parents and some of those Vortex Club bitches – no offense – and just a place for the two of us to get away.”

After she finished talking, she averted Rachel’s gaze, not brave enough to watch her friend’s reaction to that. She did not see Rachel’s smile, shielding herself from anything that could go wrong, just like she did so many times before.

Rachel was one of the few people Chloe trusted, and probably the only one to know how the punk felt when William died and her best friend, Max, left. First she was trying to grieve her father, but did not have someone to lean on. Joyce was in shock, too affected to see her husband getting hit by a car and dying in her arms while waiting for the ambulance to come. The only other person that could have ever helped her get through her grief, her best friend since she could remember, Max, left for Seattle just after the car accident happened and did not bother to respond to her texts, calls, letters, nothing. William was gone, Max abandoned her and Joyce was going through a lot, so Chloe did not want to make things harder for her mother. She hid her grief as best as she could from Joyce and from everyone else, closing herself inside a cocoon and trying to cope with everything by herself. Soon enough she could not sleep, could not eat, her whole life was falling apart and the last nail in the coffin was Joyce meeting David and starting dating him. Chloe did not even have a chance to accept the fact that she would not see her father again, or that the last thing they did was to prepare waffles together – waffles which she now hated! – and Joyce already started dating? That was the last bit that pushed the punk over the edge and she found refuge only in alcohol, drugs, breaking the law and wearing her fuck-the-world-and-all-the-people-in-it attitude on the outside.

She was on the path of self-destruction until she found someone who understood her, another Blackwell student, Rachel Amber. Just like her, Rachel wore her attitude on the outside because of all the people that failed or betrayed her – starting with her parents and continuing with everyone else that she was close to. They connected from the first moment and understood each other. They were there for the other one whenever they had their meltdowns. Together they took the world down, one joint at the time, and it felt good. They felt alive again, something that both girls forgot. Rachel was there for Chloe to fill the place Max left empty, while Chloe was for Rachel her only chance of changing her life around and pursuing her dreams.

But now Chloe was going back into the same cocoon Rachel pulled her out of, and that made the blonde panic.

_“What the hell should I do? She’s closing in again. What am I supposed to say now?”_

Suddenly, Dana’s wise words came into her mind and she made a mental note to thank her friend when all of this was over. “‘ _Don’t tell her, show her!’ You’re a genius, Dana!”_

Following the advice, she stepped in and pulled Chloe into a very sudden, but warm hug, resting her head on the punk’s shoulder. At first, Chloe was tense, not knowing what was happening or how to react, but soon enough she relaxed under the embrace and hugged Rachel back. They stood like that until the punk’s breath evened up and she pulled back, only to look at her friend, her hands on Rachel’s.

“Come on, let’s get out of the car. I bet that the pizza got cold by now.”

“Pizza? You said pizza, right? Did you really get me pizza from-?”

“Of course, silly. I ordered you the special pizza from Papa Joe’s, extra-large _and_ stuffed crust.”

Hearing what was waiting for her, Rachel’s mouth watered in expectation, which only made her stomach make funny sounds. Chloe gave her a smile, eyebrows up in a questioning look that asked _‘for real?_ ’ At that, Rachel could only shrug her shoulders and give Chloe a cannot-help-it-look. Realising that they could go like that and have a full conversation by not using any words, they both giggled. Before the blonde realised that her friend was up to a game, Chloe started running towards the shack. Not wanting to let her win the sudden – and unfair – competition, Rachel followed.

The punk stopped in front of the entrance and turned to her friend. “Cover your eyes and promise me not to peek until I give you the go, alright?”

Rachel did just what she was asked, not fighting Chloe over this, way too eager to eat that pizza. “Like this?” she asked, unable to see anything.

“Yeah, perfect!” Chloe replied as she placed her hands on her friend’s shoulders and guided her into the room. “Wait here, there’s something I need to do before you can look,” the punk said, leaving her friend alone and turning on the Hi-Fi first, slow guitar notes filling the place, then the Christmas light decorations that she took from her room. “You can look now and tell me what you think.”

Rachel took a moment to absorb the entire room. There was an old car seat and a bench next to the wall in front of her, a poster with ‘Welcome to L.A.’ on her left and a darts board close to it. In front of the bench and the car seat was an improvised table made from the support on which the high voltage cable was rolled on. On top of that was a projector connected to Chloe’s laptop and on the other side of the room was Chloe’s Hi-Fi playing Rachel’s favourite songs. She was taken aback by the whole surprise, never expecting anything like that.

“Wow, Chloe, this is amazing! Words can’t do it justice. I can’t believe my eyes, my ears… all my senses! This is serene. Hell, you even have my favourite artists, my favourite food, a darts board, for real? I’m so gonna kick your ass… and, on top of that a poster with L.A.? You know me too good. I… I don’t want to leave this place now. I want to be here with you, listening to music and playing some darts.” Rachel barely finished her sentence before her stomach demanded attention again.

Chloe could only laugh and walk forward to take her friend’s hand and lead her to the bench.

“And eat, you forgot to say how hungry you are.”

“What can I say, I forget everything else when you amaze me like this!”

Chloe did not stop to analyse Rachel’s words because that would only make her head spin, and she needed her head clear for this. “Well, your body didn’t, so let’s dig in.”

They both sat down, the punk took the pizza box and placed it between them. Rachel’s eyes started glowing at the sight, which made Chloe smile and give her a slice before taking one for herself. Both girls leaned on the wall behind them and enjoyed the pizza in silence. After the first slice, Chloe took two beers out from under the bench, opened them and gave one to Rachel, who took a big sip and then another slice of pizza, giving her friend a big smile before started eating again. Then, Chloe took a blunt from her jacket and lighted it up as the song changed. When she heard the song, Rachel was in bliss, one of her favourite songs of all time playing. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the atmosphere, light dancing on her features. Meanwhile, as the song was playing, Chloe watched Rachel’s expression, the lyrics emphasising what she was seeing in front of her eyes, and also what she was feeling in her heart.

_‘You look skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black_

_You just keep going to the bathroom always saying you’ll be right back,_

_Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you’ve got it bad…’_

_“Fuck! I got it hella bad for her right now, fuck!”_ Chloe thought while passing the joint to her friend.

_‘But what’s so easy on the evening, by the morning is such a drag…’_

The punk stopped to think at the implications of that, and she did not like it. She did not look ahead to a morning without her friend next to her.

_‘I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train.’_

Rachel passed the joint back and Chloe almost giggled at how perfect that fit with the lyrics.

_‘If you promise to stay conscious, I will try and do the same_

_We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain_ _.’_

Chloe actually laughed this time, chocking on the smoke.

“What’s so funny?” Rachel asked, laughing at her friend.

“Nothing, just the fact that the song’s lyrics are so fitting.”

Rachel’s attention focused on the lyrics as Chloe pointed on. A suave voice, accompanied by some warm guitar notes were talking to her.

 _‘And I’m not sure what the trouble was that started all of this_ _.’_

Rachel felt her heart growing in size, thinking about her newfound feelings, and that maybe her friend was feeling the same when listening to the song.

_‘The reasons all have ran away, but the feeling never did.’_

The songs continued, but Rachel barely noticed that, being lost in thoughts again.

_“Could she be having the same feelings for me? Is it- is it really possible? Oh my god, I’m totally having the biggest crush ever on my best friend!”_

_‘…but it is one way to live…’_

Rachel smiled internally as she caught the lyrics again. “ _It’s definitely the_ only _way to live”._ She then raised her eyes and looked at Chloe who totally forgot about the blunt which was now wasting away.

As the song finished, realising that she dozed off again for the hundred time that day, Chloe cleared her throat before speaking.

“Anyway, now that we finished eating and your stomach isn’t upset anymore, I have another surprise for you. Do you see the box on the car seat?” Rachel nodded to confirm. “Open it!”

Shifting her body to the left, she opened the box, only to stare at a chocolate cake which said a simple _‘Happy Birthday, Rach!’_ in Chloe’s beautiful hand writing. With yet another surprised look she turned to the punk and asked in disbelief. “You _made_ this _yourself?”_

“Well,” Chloe said, almost embarrassed, “I had some help from my mom. She guided me through all the steps. I wanted to do something special for you, not just buy a random one.”

“Wait up! Not only you _baked_ this for me, but you spent time with Joyce and now you call her _mom_ again? God, this is the best birthday gift ever, Chloe! I’m so happy and proud of you.”

“Rach,” Chloe said while laughing out loud. “Are you telling me that it is _your_ best birthday because _I_ bonded with my mom to bake a cake?”

“Are you kidding me Chloe? Of course it is. I’m so happy that you two are getting along again. She’s awesome and both of you went through a lot. You should be able to be there for each other. And more than that, you’re finally tearing down some of those walls you built up a long time ago for someone other than me. You know how big that is? And I’m sure that Joyce is extremely happy and proud right now, just like I am!” Rachel took Chloe’s hands in hers, feeling the punk’s body temperature slightly increasing.

The both shared a smile before Chloe thought that was about time to bring in the last piece she had prepared, the master piece.

“But is there room for just one more thing?”

“Chlooooeeee…” Rachel narrowed her eyes. “What else did you plan?”

“Uhm,” the punk’s throat started tightening, “just something I put together with the help of some friends of yours!”

“Who did you corrupt?”

“Just Dana, Juliet, Victoria and that weird guy that likes to draw you.”

“I knew Dana was hiding something! Plus, you got Daniel into this? _And_ you talked with Victoria?! Should I be worried, Chloe?”

The punk took a moment to inhale a deep breath and then spoke again, Rachel being all eyes and ears. “It all started one day at my place when I wanted to design another tattoo for myself. I started drawing a frame that would go with what I have already, but something was missing and I didn’t know what it was. Trying to find it, I looked into the room and you immediately caught my attention. It was a bit earlier than it is now, the sun was setting and you were sitting on my bed reading a magazine. The wind breeze was moving the flag from my window around, so the sun was casting a combination of blue alternated with orange light on your face. So I just, I don’t know, drew what I saw? My tattoo design turned into your portrait and then I thought that I was going to capture you in different situations and put all of them into an album, or a slide show. That’s what I did. Do you want to see them?”

In that moment, Rachel gave Chloe the brightest smile the punk ever saw on her friend’s face. “Abso-fucking-lutely!”

Chloe went to turn off the lights and then switched on the projector and played the slideshow presentation from her laptop. The first photo was showing Rachel holding her camera and taking a photo of a Vortex Club party, the atmosphere being crazy, red lights everywhere. Everyone around her were partying and dancing, but Rachel looked focused to capture the moment on film.

“Hey, this one is at a Vortex party? Did- did Victoria take it?”

“Yeah, well, I asked everyone to help me get the best of you in different situations, and this one just shows how dedicated you are to school and your career, even if you are at a party. A hella lame Vortex party, but a party nonetheless.”

“Awww, that is so sweet of you Chloe and the picture looks great. Now I’m left wondering what else you have.”

“Because I asked your friends to help, I chose a picture from the ones they took without you noticing and that made the final slideshow. That one was Victoria’s, next comes the one that Juliet took. I love it!”

Pressing the next button, the image on the wall changed, the dark environment being replaced by Dana’s room. The image had Dana and Rachel dancing on the first girl’s bed, holding hands and laughing. Rachel remembered that was the day when Dana invited her into her room to plan the next Vortex event, and they ended up not planning anything, but trying on different clothes, applying make-up and dancing around the room with the music so loud that Victoria had to come and almost knock the door out of its hinges in order for them to tell her that they will keep it down, and continue dancing. They decided to swap their clothes so Rachel was wearing her hair up in a ponytail and one of Dana’s low cut in front blouses, with her own ragged jeans. On the other half of the picture, Dana was wearing a black Blink-182 t-shit which was saying _‘good girls like to sin’_ , with a pair of jeans having rock band logos sewed on them and a long, black and grey flannel, wearing her hair down, just like her friend usually wears it.

“You know what I like about this one?” Chloe started saying, capturing Rachel’s attention. “The fact that you can let go and be whoever you want for an evening, having fun and closing yourself from the rest of the world. And you’re never scared to try something new, at the same time inspiring that in others. Look at how changed Dana is in that picture, and you also got me to wear a skirt earlier today! You’re just amazing like that.”

Rachel felt herself blushing under Chloe’s words and was left without anything to say, watching her friend move to the next slide. The picture was taken in front of Blackwell’s main building and it was showing Chloe and Rachel together.

Chloe was on the ground after she just fell trying a new skateboard trick, holding her injured knee in her hands. Next to her was the blonde, a hand on the punk’s back and one above her knee, trying to get her to stand up and walk towards the closest bench. She remembered taking care of the blue-haired girl after that, helping her get to the dorms.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you have a picture of this! Haha! Do you remember I had to carry you all the way to my room because you weren’t able to walk on that knee?”

“Almost carry me, okay? Almost.” Chloe faked a genuine pout. “I could’ve handled myself…”

“And walk for 20 minutes around the campus, all hurt until you’d reach my room? No, thank you, big baby. You almost cried while I cleaned your wound anyway, so no excuses.”

“It stung, alright? I had tiny rocks under my skin…”

“I know, ‘cause I had to clean them. How is it now?”

“Well, now it’s better, barely recognizable. That’s why I loved this picture.” She turned her body to face her friend. “You always take care of me when I do stupid things like try to execute tricks that I don’t know, or when I angry dogs until they jump the fence and start chasing me, when get in trouble with the police for _‘damaging’_ the public gardens… actually, that one was for a good cause. But anyway, you’re always there to save my ass, and now we have a picture of that!”

“You’re my friend, Chloe, of course I’m there for you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Now, let me show you the drawing that I made.” Chloe said, doubt resonating in her voice.

The image was exactly like Chloe said it would. The floral design of her tattoo was forming the frame of the portrait, while Rachel’s figure lying lazily on the bed was illuminated by shades of blue and orange through the window next to her. She was too concentrated on a magazine to realise that Chloe was watching and drawing a portrait.

The blonde’s mouth fell open and she was unable to voice her thoughts about the amazing drawing. Chloe was too embarrassed to watch her and she hurried to get to the next slide, not realising the surprised expression on her friend.

“So, I asked Daniel to draw an actual portrait, only to have one done by a professional, not an amateur on a bored evening.”

Chloe went on with the next slide, a portrait done by Daniel when they were in class and Rachel was listening to Mark Jefferson, her art teacher, go on with his lecture. But the two portraits did not even compare. While Daniel’s was almost flawless, copying her features extremely well, it felt lacking on the emotional side. It showed a girl in one of the classes in high-school. Chloe’s, on the other hand, was raw with the emotions she poured into it, into each detail, into each shadow that fell on Rachel’s figure. It was a masterpiece, more than the one done by her colleague.

Rachel finally found her voice to speak. “Chloe, why did you change the slides so fast?” she asked, eyebrows raised in a questioning look.

“Because I wanted to move to the proper one, done by someone who knows what he’s doing.”

“Chloe, you are an amazing artist and your drawing is so much better than Daniel’s. I’m not just saying that, I actually have an objective opinion on this. You caught me in a moment when I felt safe and secure, enjoying the day with my best friend. You replicated my feelings in those moments, and the lighting around makes it all the more beautiful. While Daniel’s drawing is spot on, it just shows me having a normal day in class. Plus, I love the first one better because it was done by my best friend, what more can I want?”

“Do you really think that, Rach?”

“I definitely do. You have so much talent that you shouldn’t waste. You could do so many things with your skills.”

“Dude, my time at Blackwell wasn’t the best, you know?”

“I know that, but I also know you have a thing for science, a hella good eye for art and you can design awesome things. I’m not saying to return to Blackwell, but you could go to a college or at least invest some time into a portfolio and make a career as a tattoo artist. You can do whatever you want, Chloe.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Rach. I will actually think about it. But, I still have one more picture to show you.”

Rachel gave her friend a warm smile and then turned to watch the projection of the last picture. It was taken in Rachel’s room, the birthday girl wearing a white T-shirt showing a panoramic picture of L.A under her flannel, ripped jeans and blowing smoke from her mouth, which was dancing in the air.

“Dude, this is awesome. Who took-“, Rachel realised the only person who could have take the shot was standing next to her. “You took this?” she asked in disbelief. Chloe could only nod her affirmation. “How did you even…?”

Chloe’s heart grew wider at her friend’s inability to form coherent thoughts. “I used my dad’s camera. I felt that it deserved to be used for something special.”

“Chloe, this…” Rachel started chocking, her eyes beginning to tear up. “I don’t deserve this, Che.”

Hearing Rachel using the diminutive of her name caused the punk’s heart to take a trip to her stomach and stay there. She could feel butterflies forming and all she wanted was to hear those three letters coming from those lips. To hear them over and over again in the most intimate ways possible. It took her a great effort to return to the present times.

“Of course you do, Rach! You’re my friend and you saved me from myself. You do that every day and you’re the only person who understands me. My dad would be happy to know that you are in my life. Maybe he was the one to send you when I didn’t want to be alive anymore, Rach.” It was Chloe’s time to tear up. The song playing through the Hi-Fi, _‘Spanish Sarah’_ just adding to the already emotional atmosphere. “He would want his camera to frame you. I know I do…”

Without even realising, Rachel jumped in her friend’s arms exactly when the song playing became most intense. It felt so good to be in the punk’s arms and leave all the horror from the past finally fade away, exactly like the song said. After they emptied their tears, taking the time to be the rock for the other person, they pulled apart, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

The last song from the CD ended and they were left in complete silence. The only light in the room was coming from the projected picture on the white concrete wall. Both girls were lost into each other’s eyes, while their hearts were beating faster than they should have. Even so, no one made a move, fearful of what that might do to their friendship.

But as time was passing, not doing anything was unbearable, something that both saw into the other’s eyes. With agreeing looks shared between them they moved closer, bodies almost touching, eyes lost into the pools of the other’s, stopping the movement only when their foreheads touched. They were so close that they could hear each other’s heartbeats threatening to jump out of their chests. That was it, another inch forward and they would be able to answer an unbearable question… How would the other’s pair of lips would feel and taste crushing their own? In unison their hands moved to touch the other’s thighs and hips, both letting a breathy moan escape their mouths and brush against the other’s lips, causing another electric impulse to travel through their spines. The pressure building inside of them became agonising and the only release they sought was in their kiss. Not being able to go any second without giving everything they had to the other, they finally pushed forward. Moments before their lips would be finally united, Rachel’s phone started ringing from inside her pocket, vibrating under Chloe’s touch, startling the punk and making her retreat.

Rachel’s body longed for the missing contact and internally cursed whoever decided to call in that exact moment. Pulling the phone from her pocket, she saw it was Dana the one who dared interrupting what would have been her first kiss with Chloe.

“Rachel Dawn Amber, where the hell are you? We are all gathered in the dorms waiting for you two, and people are demanding answers from me!”

“Oh, hey… _Dana,_ ” was all that Rachel managed to say, trying to sound her normal self and not disappointed, frustrated or heartbroken like she felt in the absence of her friend’s touch and body heat.

“Wh-Why is your voice all flushed, Rachel? Oh, _oh!_ Oh my god, I’m so, so sorry. She showed you the pictures and you got close, tried to kiss her and that’s when _I_ totally ruined the moment, didn’t I?”

“ _Yeah_ , we were just heading back.” Was all that Rachel could say without giving up too much, not in front of Chloe at least.

Dana picked up the hidden meaning behind the words, especially that ‘yeah’.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry, Rach. Do you want me to prepare your room like we discussed and cancel tonight?”

“No, it’s fine if they want to go earlier to the club. We’ll be there shortly.” Rachel’s voice was flat, and Chloe’s picked on that.

“Got it! I’m gonna send them ahead, but me and Juliet will wait for you guys.”

“Alright, see you in a bit.”

“Yeah, see you soon… Rach.” The phone call was cut before Dana could finish and she felt bad for the timing she chose.

After Rachel ended the call she did not know what to do. Chloe was up, looking everywhere around the room but to her, and the silence was slowly killing the blonde.

“That was Dana. They were waiting for us, but some guests were getting impatient and wanted to go to the club already.”

“Yeah, it got pretty late. I didn’t notice.” Chloe awkwardly touched the back of her head to arrange the beanie while speaking.

They fell in another moment of silence before the punk broke it this time.

“We didn’t even get the chance to eat the cake.”

“We can always have it in my room, right?” Rachel immediately regretted how she made that sound. “ _Great, that sounded like a fucking cheesy line, way to go.”_

Fortunately for her, Chloe did not seem to notice that. “Yeah, sounds like a plan. Do you want to head off?”

“Are you going to leave all this equipment here? I can help you pack it if you want. It would be safer at the academy.”

“Yeah, sure, why not?” It was Chloe’s time to doubt herself. “ _Just use more ‘yeah’-s and you definitely won’t freak Rachel out!”_

The girls packed the equipment and the cake, then drove to Blackwell in completely silence. When they got to the dorms, Rachel saw that Dana kept her promise and sent everyone ahead. She did not feel like explaining to everyone where they were and why did she want to be anywhere else than there. At least Dana knew the whole situation and by now Juliet had to know some of it too.

The awkward situation between her and the punk did seem to evaporate slightly as they were joined by the other two girls. Things were almost back to normal, only if they would not avoid looking at each other. They even sat down and ate some cake, Rachel complementing Chloe for how amazing it was, while Dana and Juliet could not believe that the punk made it. It ended up easing the atmosphere to a level that they were not avoiding each other anymore and even shared some laughs with their friends.

The first step of moving forward with the whole situation was done by Chloe who took the clothes she tried on earlier and told the girls she will use the bathroom to change. Rachel gave Dana a knowing look which meant that she wanted the other two to busy themselves with anything so she could talk privately to Chloe.

“Hey,” she said closing the distance between them for the first time since the call. “You don’t have to change in those clothes, you know that, right?”

Chloe gave her the first smile since the junkyard and said, “I made a promise.”

Rachel mimicked the smile before adding. “Yeah, but that was just something to have some fun. Plus, that was before making this the best day since… well, the best day since I was a kid and didn’t know how things work. I don’t want you to do something that you’re not comfortable with just for my sake.”

“Maybe I’m not doing it just for you?”

“Come on, Chloe, you can’t be serious. I know you, remember? It’s just not your style…”

“Rach,” she pointed with her head behind her at both Dana and Juliet who were failing to pretend that they were _not_ listening. “You saw how excited Dana was when I picked up the clothes and how she all but rushed in at the prospect of playing dress-up with me. So, I’m doing it for them as well. If it makes you happy in the process, the better.” The punk gave her friend a knowing look.

“But you don’t-“

“Rach, it’s not like I won’t be still me. The top, the beanie and the shoes are all mine, alright? I’m just gonna try on that skirt. It could always be worse, I could be wearing a dress.”

Rachel started laughing at the idea of Chloe wearing a dress. With a nod she agreed and allowed her friend to step out of the room and change. Dana and Juliet did the same and went into their rooms to retrieve their last items, while Rachel changed into her outfit.

Chloe went into the bathroom where she put on the suspenders, then the leather skirt, followed by the low cut on the sides and front AC/DC grey, sleeveless top which was letting her bra show up underneath. For the footwear she kept her boots which were a perfect match with the whole outfit. And of course, her bullet necklace could not be missing. She took five minutes to look in the mirror and came to the conclusion that she _did not hate_ the outfit at all. Going back into the room she witnessed Rachel applying her lipstick. She could not help but stare at her friend, hear heart beating faster in her chest.

Rachel went for an extremely bold outfit. Just like Chloe, she was wearing black suspenders with a floral design from the ankle until the band, a rock-inspired white top with black writings, a black leather jacket on top of that, with an Anarchy necklace that Chloe offered her as a Christmas present. Her hair was falling in waves over her shoulders and in front, a little under her chest. The lipstick she was applying was a bright red, creating a contrast between the dark outfit and the vivid colour of the lipstick. It was all that Chloe could focus on, those lips that almost crashed with hers. Rachel looked beautiful and for the first time, the punk did not feel just butterflies in her belly, now she could feel her arousal growing. Seeing Rachel both exposed and also covered at the same time was playing with her mind. The bare skin of the upper part of her thighs slightly showing made Chloe mad with lust, wanting more. She did not know that she felt so attracted to her friend before, but all that she wished now was to lock the door behind her and take Rachel right there.

The thought made Chloe exhale a breath she was not aware she was holding, which alerted Rachel that the punk returned.

“I’ll be ready in a second, Che.” Rachel added, not looking at her.

The second use of her endearment almost melted Chloe and she did not think that she could take the torture again. She had to finish what they started at the junkyard. She headed towards the door to lock it behind them in order to have some privacy when she heard a knock, much to her frustration. She opened the door to see Juliet in a dress. Whatever the other girl wanted to say was lost when she saw how Chloe was dressed. Her eyes widened in both surprise and excitement.

“Oh my god, Chloe, you’re rocking the hell out of that outfit. Turn around, turn around!” The last words came out as squeaky noises which were heard by Dana who stepped out of her room.

“What did I tell you, Jules? She looks hot as hell! In an outfit like that, no one can resist Chloe’s charms.” Dana gave the punk a mischievous wink that left her suspicious. Dana, who was wearing a dress and had her hair up in a ponytail as usual, walked towards the two girls asking. “So, are you two ready to leave?”

“Actually, would you two mind to go ahead so-“

The punk was interrupted by the birthday girl coming out of her room. “All done, sorry for the wait.” Rachel announced all excited. “Wow, Chloe, you look… uhm-“

“Awesome?” Juliet asked, saving Rachel the embarrassment. “That’s exactly what I was saying. She is rocking that punk-rock-skirt-girl outfit.”

“Is that even a thing?” Chloe asked confused.

“It is now… So let’s go and have some fun tonight.” Juliet said as she dragged Dana by the hand, winking back to the other girls behind them.

Both Rachel and Chloe looked at each other before setting on laughing as they left the dorms and headed for the club.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, the continuation for this story. It seems I might actually like it :-D

Chapter 3

 

 

As soon as they stepped into the club and got to the table where their friends were, everyone rushed and hugged Rachel, offering her the birthday presents and wishes. They were nice gifts, some knowing her better and offering her either music albums or clothes that matched her style, but none compared to what she received from Dana and Juliet, and nothing came even close to what Chloe did for her. Even though she was happy to see her friends and did not want to be rude, she _really_ needed to go to her three best friends and give all of them a hug.

They were all caught by surprise, but none felt the need for a smart remark, not even Chloe.

“I just wanted to tell you guys that you are the best. Without you here I don’t know where I would be today. I’d probably be more of a messed teen who’d get in even more trouble without your support. I-I love all of you!”

At the last part everyone strengthened their hugs around the birthday girl and tried not to tear up, speaking in unison. “We love you too, Rach!”

After they all pulled from the hug, Rachel was left with Chloe, while Dana and Juliet headed for the bar with the excuse of wanting to get hammered already. The punk was starting to feel a lump forming in her throat and knew she needed to distract herself from staring at Rachel. Unfortunately, her brain was not on the same page with her, so she ended up making the situation more awkward.

“Is it just me, or they left only to leave the two of us alone?” She looked around herself to see the club beginning to fill with people. “As alone as we can get, anyway.”

Rachel took one of Chloe’s hands in order to catch her attention, and when the punk looked at her friend she saw worry on Rachel’s face. Her brows furrowed immediately mimicking Rachel’s expression.

“Hey, Rach, what’s wrong?” Chloe found herself taking a step closer in the attempts to soothe the blonde.

“It’s just… what I said earlier doesn’t even begin to do justice to what you did for me, Che.”

The use of the endearment made Chloe’s body react again. _Goddamn it, how does she do that to me so effortlessly?_

“Just being able to have someone who would go through the same stuff like I did, to have someone to finally understand how things were for me at home and more than that, to be able to share my dreams with you, Che, made my life a thousand times better. I am so lucky to have a friend like you. Words alone can’t even express what I feel right now.” By the time she finished, tears began to fall from her eyes and spread on her cheeks.

Chloe stepped in and brushed the tears away with her hands before pulling her friend into another hug, and whispering soothing words in her ear.

“Hey, hey, hey… I’m not going anywhere, Rach, not without you. You know how much you changed my life as well and I am so lucky to have you. I am not letting you go, Rachel, you hear me?” Chloe felt her friend tighten her grip and nod slightly in her shoulder.

With that she pulled away enough to look at her friend’s face and give her a small smile, which Rachel mirrored before the punk continued. “I know what I said earlier, but I will go to the bar and grab a couple of drinks for the two of us. What do you want, a beer or something stronger?”

“A beer would be perfect.” _I do not want to be drunk for later_ , Rachel said while letting Chloe go.

“Gotcha’ capt’n.” Chloe added before heading for the bar. When she got there she felt like half of the club moved with her due to the fact that she had a big queue in front of her. That only offered her time to be alone with her thoughts. She started thinking at the reactions Dana and Juliet had before they left the girls alone.

 _That was so obvious… and before that, in the campus, with their impish looks and winks. What do they know? They can’t know about the almost kiss, can they? I mean, it was Dana who interrupted us… geez, she know about the almost kiss!_ Chloe zoned out, re-enacting the moment in her mind. How close the two were, foreheads touching, how good it felt to let her hand stay on Rachel’s thigh, how badly she wanted to press her lips to her friend’s. And after that, in Rachel’s room, she was so hot that Chloe almost locked the door and gave in to her impulses. Now she was so lost in her thoughts that she did not see or hear the barman trying to get her order.

“Miss, are you alright? Can I help you with anything?”

“Yeah, sorry, uhm…” the punk snapped out of it, “two Buds, please.”

After she paid and got the drinks, Chloe turned around to head back to the table, only for her eyes to find her friend sitting down and chatting happily with Juliet. The punk wanted to move, but her feet had a mind of their own and refused to follow that order. Rachel was genuinely happy, a big smile on her face that often turned into smirks. The situation changed when Dana picked her camera and started taking pictures of both girls. Rachel was fooling around, giving Dana some silly poses, alternating them with few serious ones, which made her look like a professional model. Seeing her like that and thinking at Rachel’s biggest dreams, moving to L.A. and being a model, made Chloe’s heart both jump with joy and sadness. She was happy to see her friend radiating like that, making the atmosphere intoxicating. At the same time she knew that she could not follow her heart and be with Rachel, not like she desired. She could not ruin Rachel’s life and dreams like that, pulling her into her own messed up life. Her friend’s own words flashed through her mind.

 _Rachel was right when she said that I understand what she went through and how things were for her, and that’s exactly it! She went through all that, and now that’s over for her, she moved on. I’m the one still stuck with the same shit as 4 years ago. I-I”_ Chloe stumbled in her own thoughts, like her brain was refusing to accept what she knew it was best. With an internal sigh she finally gave in. _I can’t be with her like that without ruining everything for her. I’m like poison and I… just… can’t!”_

Chloe had to cut her own contemplation short, seeing Rachel look at the time and head for the bar when she saw that Chloe was not back. The punk, seeing her friend approaching, found that she could move again and meet her halfway.

“Hey, what took you so long? I thought you bailed already, not liking the atmosphere.”

“No, Rach, there was a queue at the bar. Plus, I wouldn’t leave like that, it’s your birthday after all.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that you suddenly like clubbing.”

“One night won’t kill me,” she said pushing the blonde toward the table.

“Chloe, I do not want you to do something that you are not comfortable with.” Rachel replied in a serious tone.”

As they sat, Chloe gave Rachel her drink, a big grin on her face as she leaned on the couch. “You said that before.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rachel became intrigued.

“Nothing…” her friend replied, barely able to stifle a laugh as she was drinking from her beer.

Rachel narrowed her eyes, not willing to let the conversation go away that easily. “Dude, when _we_ say nothing, is not _nothing_ , so spill!”

“No, it’s really as simple as that. I’m not the one for that women psychology crap.”

Rachel did not buy that, Chloe’s amused expression telling her that was not all of it.

“Price, I swear to god! It’s my birthday and I have the right to-“

“DANCE! The birthday girl should dance.” Dana stepped in again, but this time to Chloe’s rescue who mouthed a silent ‘ _thank you_ ’ which got as response another wink.

“Dana, not now…” Rachel said fainting indignation.

“Yes, now! We’re in a club, celebrating _your_ birthday, so you should dance.”

Rachel looked at the punk for a way out, but her so-called friend shrugged her shoulders and continued drinking her beer. Rachel could not help herself, so she reached for Chloe’s drink, pulled it off from her hands and finished it off, much to her friend’s surprise.

“Hey, why did you do that for?” Chloe said, giving her the middle finger. “You still have yours!”

“Yeah, but you are not getting off the hook so fast, so, you’re coming dancing with us. As for the beer, that was so you don’t have any excuses.”

Chloe then turned to Dana, giving her a pouting face and a big-eyed begging look, which the other girl chose to ignore and grabbed both women and pulled them to the dance floor. They started dancing on some R&B and everyone seemed to have fun. Dana took Rachel so that they could dance, while the punk was left with Juliet and some other girls she saw around the dorms. Slowly the music changed to a slower rhythm suitable for a slower dance. One by one people heading back to the table. Juliet abandoned the punk only to take Dana to dance, so Chloe wanted to head back to the table.

She would have, except that the birthday girl had other plans. Chloe felt a hand from behind cupping her arm and when she turned around she saw Rachel with a shy smile on her face, asking her not to leave.

“Would you…” she pointed out towards the dance floor, “like to…”. This time she had to clear her throat in order to find her voice again. “Dance with me?” By the time she finished she felt her cheeks burning and she only hoped that the dim light would hide her embarrassment. But Chloe was too close not to see that, so she gave her friend a genuine smile and then took her hand.

“I would love that.”

As Rachel took her back to find an empty spot on the floor, not too far from Dana and Juliet, Chloe’s heart started racing in her chest. With a look shared between them, Chloe placed her hand on Rachel’s hips, while her friend wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling each other into a tight hug. They started floating as the music was demanding, their eyes locked into a compelling gaze. If Chloe thought before that this was just a phase or that she just crushed on her friend, now she knew that it was more than that. He throat closed at the realisation. Under Rachel’s gaze she felt her feet like jelly, barely able to move around in order to ‘ _dance_ ’.

Just like Chloe, Rachel was coming to accept the feeling she felt developing for her friend and became aware that it was harder and harder to wait for the night to advance before moving on with her plan. She did not want to rush things and ruin this before it even started, making it all about lust. She wanted to show Chloe how much she cared about her, just like the punk did earlier that day with the gift. But being so close to her friend _and_ looking into the punk’s eyes and see her looking back was driving Rachel insane. All she wanted was to get what she was denied last time they were so close.

In order to get a hold of herself she leaned her head on the blue-haired girl’s shoulder, making her let out a sigh and close her eyes, inhaling Rachel’s scent that was now surrounding her. Dancing together on the slow song, Rachel was the only one that Chloe had eyes for. As the blonde shifted her head to lean completely on the punk, her hair fell revealing her neck to Chloe who had to bite her lip in order to suppress the urge to lean and press her lips to the neck that was calling to her. Soon enough she had to free her lip in order to come back for air, not realising that she was holding her breath. As soon as she started breathing again, she felt her mouth tingling, aching for a kiss. They both knew that the song was coming to an end so they pressed closer, not wanting to let go.

Both girls wanted to stay like that forever, but it all went too fast and they found themselves left in the embrace, no music playing to accompany them. After another short moment a second song started playing and Rachel retreated her head from Chloe’s shoulder. In the motion, her cheek brushed her friend’s which made them stop and look intensely at each other, longing for contact once more. Chloe’s hands were still grounding Rachel, while the blonde mirrored the stance, moving her hands to tightly grip Chloe’s hips. Rachel broke the eye contact to focus her attention on the punk’s lips, unconsciously biting her own in order to stifle a moan.

The motion attracted the punk’s attention towards the bright red lips contrasted in between pure white teeth. It was too much for the blue-haired girl who rushed in for a rough kiss, pressing her lips to Rachel’s like it was the last thing she would ever do. If Rachel was supposed to be surprised she did not show it, accepting and returning the kiss way faster than she would do if she was unprepared. While closing her eyes and surrendering herself to the kiss, Chloe could see all the happy moments they shared, all the moments when she was the one to make Rachel smile and even the less happy ones when they leaned on each other for support. That only made the punk remember her doubts from earlier, the fear that she might ruin Rachel’s life and their friendship returning and almost paralyzing her. It was too much for the punk to take in, so she broke the kiss, whispering a ‘ _I can’t do this, Rach!_ ’, and stormed out of the club, grabbing her jacket on the way out.

Rachel was left frozen in the moment, not realising what happened. Everything was perfect, she was holding Chloe… No, actually she was held _by Chloe_ , kissed _by Chloe_ … until _Chloe_ left her alone and left. It was too much for her friend and it was all her fault. Even if she did not initiate the kiss, _she_ asked for the slow dance and _she_ grabbed Chloe and held into her for dear life. And now it was all over. It was too much for the punk. She even said that she cannot do it. Before she started crying in the middle of the dance floor though, Dana and Juliet were by her side, apparently aware of everything that happened.

“Rachel, are you okay? What happened?” Asked Dana as she pulled her friend into a warm hug.

“Ch-Chloe k-kissed me and then…” Rachel felt tears forming in her eyes thinking at what happened after Chloe broke the kiss. “…and then she pulled away and told me she can’t do this. W-Wh…” her voice barely left her throat. “What should I do now, Dana? She-she’s gone and I ruined everything. I shou- I should have waited and tell her how I feel before rushing into things. I’m a complete idiot and I scared her away, Dana! She’s gone…” With those last words, Rachel let her eyes fell on the floor, feeling defeated.

“Rachel, listen to me,” Dana shook her friend to bring her back to her senses. When Rachel looked back at her with wet eyes, she continued. “It’s not too late, honey. Chloe just has trouble letting people in. You two just need to talk. Come on,” she looked at Juliet who gave her and agreeing nod. “Juliet and I will help you look for her. She can’t be too far.” Without waiting for an answer or stop to tell anyone where they were going, the girls grabbed their coats and dragged Rachel out of the club, heading for the parking lot.

The relief Rachel felt when she saw Chloe’s truck in the parking lot vanished when they approached it and the punk was not there. The blonde felt her feet go numb and crashed into the truck, fear making its way into her heart. Dana told Juliet to go ahead and look for Chloe without them, while she approached Rachel. She could see her friend finally giving in to her tears and sobbing. Dana did not know how to help her friend or what could she do next, aware that the only thing that would work now would be Chloe.

 _Then I swear to god that I’ll find her punk-ass and drag it down here to fix everything she did._ Nothing she tried calmed Rachel, the girl being impervious to anything and anyone that was not the blue-haired girl. Juliet came back alone with no success at tracking the punk down. Seeing that not even Juliet could stop Rachel from crying, Dana put some distance between her and the girls and dialled Chloe’s number, furious to get a hold of the punk. The first call went on for what seems to be ages until she was asked to leave a message. The second call was denied by Chloe, thing that only angered Dana even more. She opened the conversation with Chloe and sent what was to be the rudest message she ever wrote, knowing the punk deserved it.

 **Dana:** Chloe, I swear to god that I’ll hunt you down and kick your sorry ass so bad if you don’t come back and deal with what you caused. You made Rachel fucking cry for the last 10 fucking minutes and nothing fucking works. Get your dumb ass back here before you ruin things and break Rachel for good...”

A few seconds later her phone buzzed with a message from Chloe.

 **Chloe:** Holy fucking shit balls. M coming! Where ru?

 **Dana:** At your car. You better hurry, Price!

Dana knew that she was being overly aggressive toward Chloe, but she did not care. She would have time to apologise later, her main priority was to get the punk back and mend Rachel’s heart which was shattering to pieces with every tear she cried. Dana returned to the truck only to see Chloe coming into the view, running like she was at a sprinting contest. She went ahead to talk with the punk away from the girls. Chloe’s sprint came to a halt and she was barely breathing, her muscles threatening to give up. Not wanting to make Chloe feel guiltier, but still wanting to express her frustration, Dana punched the punk’s arm, making her almost trip over.

“That was a really dick move, Price! What the fuck were you thinking?” Dana barely stopped herself from not shouting.

“I panicked, Dana. That’s exactly what I wanted to avoid in the first place, hurting her-“, Chloe finally found her footing again and moved forward to see Rachel, only to be cut off by Dana.

“You did a really good job at avoiding that!” Dana snapped.

“And now what? You’re not gonna let me see her? Why the fuck did you call me back then, to let me see her cry?” Chloe did not stop her voice from carrying away to the girls. Juliet heard the heated exchange, but Rachel was too absorbed into her hurt to realise that Chloe came back.

“ _No_ , but I’m not gonna let you get closer if you don’t plan on fixing things.”

Chloe could only lower her look and fix it on the ground. In the meantime, Rachel went silent, not having the power to sob anymore, but still lost in her feelings. Dana saw that the punk was ashamed for what she caused her friend and also scared of not knowing what to do to fix things. She knew that Chloe did not ran with the purpose of hurting Rachel, but because she was confused on how her feelings would change their friendship. Rachel was not the only one hurting, and the punk needed as much soothing as the crying girl. It all fell to Dana to help the punk, so she stepped closer to her and took the punk’s hands in her own.

“Look, Chloe, I know that you love Rachel as much as she loves you and that it has been like that for a while now. Today was a big day and you both found out that you are attracted to each other. I’ve been knowing that since the moment you asked for my help with the pictures. It might be confusing at first, but you need to talk this over. Do you understand me, Chloe?”

The punk’s eyes left Rachel and they were wet with tears. “I-I do… but… but I’m not good enough for her… I’ll- I’ll end up hurting her and I can’t do that, Dana.”

“Look at her, Chloe! She needs you in her life and you need her as well. Don’t let this fly by you because you will regret it.” When not even that made Chloe react, her anger came back. “For fuck's sake, Price, go be her friend. You are the only one who can get through to her.”

That seemed to stir something in Chloe, the punk thinking how right Dana was, being once in Rachel’s shoes and the person who pulled her out of it was now laying broken in front of her. She gently pushed Dana away and Juliet made room for her in front of the broken girl. Even though she was in a skirt, Chloe kneeled in front of her friend, not paying attention to the pain it caused her. _What matters now is Rach. Don’t fuck this up!_ She told herself before asking Rachel for permission to touch her.

“Rachel,” she started with a weak voice. When she did not receive an answer she tried again, more convinced this time. “Hey Rach, it’s Chloe. I’m- I’m back… I didn’t want to run Rach, I’m so sorry… so, so sorr-“

She was interrupted by a pair of arms hugging her as Rachel decided to come back to them. With a look shared between them, Juliet and Dana stepped back to give the girls some privacy. Chloe finally gave in properly to her tears, returning the hug.

After both of them stopped crying, Rachel was the first one to speak, her voice slightly above a whisper but steady. “Chloe, earlier in the club you said that you are not going anywhere… not without me and then-“, the confidence she started with got lost in the end.

As much as it pained Chloe to say the words, she wanted to spare her friend from having to say them out loud. Plus, Rachel had a point. “And then I left…” Chloe finished what the blonde started, pain in her voice.

Rachel stepped back to look at the punk and ask the question that bothered her ever since she left. “You left Cloe… after we kissed! Did you- did you…?”

“No!” the punk almost shouted. “Rach, don’t think that. The kiss was everything I could wish for, it’s just…”

“Just what, Chloe? I don’t understand. _Make_ me understand, please!” Rachel’s pleas was coming out filled with desperation.

“I didn’t want to leave, Rach, but I couldn’t shake the thoughts that I will hurt you if I stay…”

“But you did stay, Chloe.” Rachel said, more confused than before.

 _Oh fuck! I’m gonna hurt her, but I can’t lie. She deserves the truth._ With a pained sigh, the punk told her friend the truth.

“That’s because I grabbed your jacket on my way out, and you have mine… with the car keys inside.”

Pain and anger shot Rachel in an instant and she furiously took off Chloe’s jacket and threw it to her.

“There’s your fucking jacket then! You can leave now, there’s nothing holding you back…”

Chloe wanted to touch the blonde but she backed out as her friend stood up and put some distance between them. Dana jumped to step in, only to be stopped by Juliet who told Chloe to push forward and go after Rachel. Chloe listened to the other girl and ran towards her friend, begging her to stop.

“Rach, please! Let me explain.”

Without realising, the blonde stopped and turned to face the punk, snorting a sarcastic comment.

“Best birthday ever. I find that I have a massive crush on my friend. _She_ then kisses _me_ , only to run away and leave me fucking alone in a full club. Best. Fucking. Birthday. Ever!”

“Rach-“

“Don’t Rach me, Chloe. You wanted a chance to explain? Go ahead.”

“Can we not do this here, please?”

“Where to you want to _do this?_ ” Rachel emphasised the words that left from Chloe’s mouth.

“I was thinking at the junkyard.”

“That’s where you were planning to run to, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Chloe said, too ashamed of herself.

“Thought so. Then no, drive me back to Blackwell.”

Even though it was not what she wanted, Chloe accepted and headed for the truck. Rachel was the first to get into the car, while the punk told the other two girls what they were up to. Dana wanted to head back as well, but agreed that it would be best to stay put and go back only if Chloe would text her. The punk then jumped into the car and started driving toward the academy. Rachel could not take the silence so she switched on the CD player which had the album she offered Chloe in. She decided against switching it back off when she heard the song “ _Since You’re Gone_ ” playing. She knew that the lyrics did not apply to their situation, but it felt good to let the steam off.

Chloe pulled the car into the well-known parking lot and they walked back to the dorms in complete silence. Rachel opened the door, switched on the lights and went toward the window, while the punk remained at the entrance. After realising that Rachel was not going to turn to her, she stepped in and got closer, also offering her friend enough space in case she needed it.

“Rachel, please, look at me. I can’t do this if you ignore me.”

“There seem to be an awful number of things you can’t do lately, Chloe.” Rachel replied, showing how much those words hurt her.

“Please, Rachel, believe me when I say that I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Then how did you mean it?” the blonde asked, finally deciding to face her friend and calm herself in order to get some answers.

Chloe thought for a moment before offering Rachel a hand and asking, “Can we please sit for this?”

Without answering, the blonde took the offered hand and sat on the couch. Just the simple contact made her heart ache, but at the same time it seemed to defuse her anger even more. It was a small step, but Chloe was happy not to have her friend angry.

“Look, Rachel, I didn’t want to leave. I don’t regret the kiss or anything that happened today prior to it either. I just regret that I acted like a complete idiot and got scared.”

“What scared you, Chloe?” Rachel’s voice was almost close to her usual. “Are you afraid to let me in?”

“No,” she said before the question was even over. “I’m afraid to _be_ let in. Oh fuck, I suck at this kind of talks.”

To her surprise, Rachel let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I already said I suck at this…”

“No, Che, is not that.”

Chloe thought that her jaw might drop hearing something that she thought would be impossible to leave Rachel’s mouth again. At least not so soon.

“For a moment I thought I saw _my_ Chloe in there. The girl with the ‘fuck’ in her mouth all day. Do you know her?” Rachel continued.

It was the punk’s time to let out a genuine laugh, before continuing.

“Did you really mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“‘ _Your_ Chloe’?”

“That’s what I thought when we kissed, but you obviously did not.” This time Rachel’s voice did not show any anger.

“I do want that, Rach, I do. I’m just too afraid I’ll go and fuck this up like everything else in my life! First I let my father die, then I pushed Max away, after that I blamed my mom from wanting to live her life… That’s what I do, Rach, fuck things up!”

“Chloe, you can’t blame yourself for William’s death, it wasn’t your fault. It was a car accident.” The punk wanted to interrupt, but Rachel could not have that. “And no, you could not have stopped him from leaving the house. It is also not Joyce’s fault, for that matter. As for Max, you didn’t push her away, nor did she leave you. She was taken away by her parents and deep down you know it.”

“Maybe you are right there, but Rach, she didn’t answer my calls, or wrote back, okay? Which means that I did push her away.”

“Chloe Elisabeth Price! Her silence is not your fault. It might be her fault, or her parents’ who took her away in the first place, but not yours!”

“And what about my mom? You can’t say that wasn’t me…”

“Oh for fuck's sake, Che! You were grieving and then you had a step-douche acting all fatherly. Joyce is not trying to replace William with step-prick, but he wants to be a father and failing royally because he tries to fill a place that no one will ever fill for you, Che! No one will take your father’s place, honey, and that’s okay.”

Chloe’s eyes were wet again and Rachel pulled her into an embrace. Knowing that they weren’t there to discuss William’s death, the punk tried to go back to the previous conversation.

“We were here to discuss your hurt, not mine, Rach, but somehow we always get dragged into my drama. That’s exactly why I don’t want you to let me in. You are doing so well Rachel. You were finally able to put all the hurt behind you, so you don’t need me to fuck with that.”

“Chloe, the only way you can fuck this up is by doubting yourself like this. Do you know how much it hurts me to see you beat yourself up over and over again? But no matter how much you beat yourself, I will always be here for you.” Rachel stopped to gather her thoughts, when Chloe wanted to react to what was said.

“Please let me finish, Che, you need to know this and I need to say it. Look, I developed these feelings for you and today I just had to act upon them. And you responded to that Che and _kissed_ me. Now, I don’t know if you were just caught in the moment or not, but I want you to know that I won’t give up on you or your friendship, no matter what you feel. We were friends first and foremost, and that will never change. If you do want something more than friendship then I can wait until you are ready… Neah-neah-neah, let me finish this… But telling me that you want this and deny us the chance because you might be ‘bad’ for me won’t do it. First of all, you were never ruining my life, Che. Because of you I got to put all the hurt behind me. Without you I am bound to fall back into that pit you pulled me from. And second of all, shouldn’t that decision be mine? I know you well enough in order to understand what to expect. Step-prick drama and all that shit, I want a place by your side in all of it. Who’s gonna have your back if not me, Che?”

Chloe was confused if it was her turn to speak or not, so she opted on listening, not wanting to interrupt her friend again.

"I'm done, Chloe, you can speak now." Rachel let her friend know, a small chuckle forming regarding the situation.

Chloe pulled closer and took Rachel's hand before addressing her.

"Rach, I hear you, trust me on this one; but now I need you to hear me. Please!" Chloe almost begged, looking more serious than ever. "There's nothing that I haven't tried to do differently, yet every way I try to live my life seems wrong. Not for me, but how it affects the ones around me. I feel like everything I do will end up hurting people and I'm scared..." Chloe paused, a sigh escaping her before gathering the will to continue. She looked into her friend's eyes to ensure that Rachel was paying attention and then allowed herself to say what would probably be the hardest thing she would have to tell her friend.

"I want you _so damn much_ , Rachel Amber, but I am afraid I’ll hurt you! That's why I can’t do this..." With those last words Chloe let go of Rachel's hands, stood up and wanted to leave, again.

Until the blonde could figure out what was happening and that she had to take control over her body, Chloe reached the door, her hand on the knob. In that moment Rachel jumped on her feet and shouted towards her friend.

"That's it, Chloe? Are you going to break your promise and _leave_? Why do you always run from me, Chloe? Why?"

The punk found herself unable to turn the knob and just slammed her head on the closed door. She heard Rachel taking a few steps until they were close to each other. For once she hoped that Rachel would touch her, hold her close, but the blonde kept her hands to herself and continued chasing for answers.

"If you truly do want to be with me, don’t do this. Do not break my heart, Chloe..."

Hearing her friend's words, tears were forming in her eyes and then falling rapidly on her cheeks. She could live with the pain of pulling away from what her heart desired, but she could not live knowing that she was causing her friend the same ache. Trying to hold back the tears long enough to speak, Chloe turned to her friend, only to see that Rachel's eyes were loaded with tears as well. Without reaching for the blonde like her body was asking, the punk closed her palms to form fists around her sides, looked once more into Rachel's eyes and spoke.

"Rach, do you even know what are you getting yourself into? Do you want to know? I am poison for everything that I touch and there's nothing that I want more than for you to be happy. Even if that means that I can’t have you. I think it would be best if I... if I..." Chloe could not finish her thoughts without bursting into tears, and she did not want to burst into tears.

"See, you can’t even do it! You can’t leave, not while there's a voice inside your head that says that you... that _we_ can do this. That is why you promised never to leave me. That is also why you didn’t leave at the club." There was a paused that Rachel made to search her friend's face for denial, but only saw Chloe nodding in agreement. That made the blonde push forward. "Then stay here with me, Che, just the two of us. We can forget everything outside this room. We can forget all the pain that was in our pasts and let everything fade away. Please, Chloe!"

"But what if I-?" Chloe's tears started falling again.

Rachel rushed to her and sealed her lips with a finger in order to stop Chloe from saying the words.

“Chloe, where there is desire there is gonna be a flame. And where there is flame someone's bound to get burned, but just because it burns it doesn't mean you're gonna die!"

Chloe gave her friend a baffled expression. "Did you just quote a Pink song to me? God, can you take this seriously?"

"I am being serious," Rachel retorted. "If I wasn't I would've sang the chorus to you. Just because those words were said in a song I happen to like so much, it doesn't mean that they are not true. It also doesn't mean that they don't apply to us. I'm not gonna lie, Che, things can get messy between us, but that doesn't mean that we can’t give it a shot. Please don't deny us this. I know I might speak for myself, but don't deny us happiness, _Che!_ "

That did it. Rachel's words finally melted all the defences the punk put up. Deep in her heart she knew she would cherish Rachel if the blonde would ever give her a chance, and as it appeared, she had more chances than she would have thought possible. With an internal sigh she repeated Rachel's words in her mind. _'don't deny us happiness,_ Che! Che. Che...’

"Oh god!" Chloe said as a shiver ran through her whole body. "When you use that endearment you make me go insane and I can barely think. I _need_ to be able to think, Rach!"

"Then think harder and answer me, Che!

"Answer what? I just told you that my brain is on pause when you call me that."

"Oh for fuck's sake, I'm running out of ways to make you see that there is nothing I want more than you. So do me a _goddamn favour_ and answer me."

"And what do you want me to say?" Even though Chloe knew exactly what Rachel wanted from her, it was fun to be able to tease her friend again.

"Just say that you won't deny us this, Chloe. Tell me that there are no fucking thoughts in your brain holding you back... Just say yes, you idiot!" Rachel almost shouted out of exasperation.

Chloe started giggling because that was the exact reaction she was hoping to get from the woman standing in front of her. "Was it so hard to use that smart mouth of yours and spell out what you want from me?"

"Chloe, I swear to god that if you did this to me on purpose then I'm..."

"Then you're...?" Chloe's grin was getter bigger and bigger.

"Gonna kick your smart-ass out of the door!"

"But if you kick my _sexy_ ass out of the door, then I won't be able to do this!"

This time Rachel did not expect the kiss, but even so it did not take her long to surrender herself to it, the room and the world around her fading away.


End file.
